A field guide to market participants

Fundamental Hawk

(perusii balancesheetus)

Very discriminating in diet.  Often seen scratching in the undergrowth. Subsists on irrationality,  short-lived variety only.

Macro Harrier

(exsanguinus economicus)

Flies very high. Reports of bombardier behavior (unsubstantiated).

Common Quant

(quantus quantus)

Flies backwards looking in mirror.  Seldom seen without a factor model.

High Frequency Quant

(quantus nanosecondii)

Flies backwards really, really fast.  Voraciously consumes data.

Option Trader

(hellenisticus derivativii)

Takes on many positions such as straddling, strangling, spreading like a butterfly.  Wide variety of calls. Often seen in delta hedges.


(eidetus technicus)

Exquisite eyesight, possibly sees things that aren’t even there.  Has distinctive head and shoulders.


(credulus amazingii)

Flits from place to place.  Generally emaciated.

There is a subspecies, Cramer’s Tipchaser (credulus amazingii cramerii), that gathers in large flocks around televisions.  Temporarily devastates the places it forages.

Day Trader

(slotmachinus fidelus)

Constantly pecking, often on bare ground.  Roosts at dusk.

Passive Sparrow

(huggius indexus)

Very timid, seems to have the condition of learned helplessness.

Talking Head

(loquacius mediaitus)

Bright plumage, loud call.  Adept at giving rational explanations for random events.

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4 Responses to A field guide to market participants

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